Q: Sometimes when I'm in bed with my girlfriend and I suggest us trying something new or different, she says yes, however it's not very enthusiastic. I'm worried about pressuring her into things she doesn't want to do, and am wondering how I can talk to her about this?
A: First of all, it's so great that you're concerned about this! Of course it's going to be a little awkward to talk about, but it's super important to make sure you're fully communicating with your partner, especially in terms of consenting to different things in bed. It's probably a good idea to have this conversation outside of the bedroom, too. You can bring up the subject with something like, "Hey, when I asked if we could try that thing the other night I noticed you didn't seem very excited to try it. Are you really okay with it, because I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with."
Also, there are some things that you can do while trying new things in bed to make sure your partner is comfortable the whole time. Using the color system is a great way to communicate with your partner when you might not want to get into a lengthy conversation during sex.
During sex, simply ask your partner how they're doing, or what color they're at.
RED- STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
This means your partner is uncomfortable with what is happening. Stop what you're doing and ask them if they're okay, and ask them what you can do to get back to green if they still want to continue having sex. Alternatives to this is your partner holding an object and dropping it when they get to red (useful when you're partner has something in their mouth or can't talk for some other reason), or using a safe word.
YELLOW- I'm not enjoying this very much, go back to green.
This means that your partner is not enjoying what is going on, however they probably aren't in pain. It is still very important to stop what you're doing.
GREEN- Everything's good.
This means that your partner is enjoying what is going on.
BLUE- I need a break.
You're partner may still be enjoying what's going on, however, they may need a breather, a bathroom break, a snack, anything. It's good to respect this so they can keep enjoying your sexy time together.
In addition to all of this, you should also see if your partner has anything they want to try in bed, because sexy time should be fun for everyone involved.
A: First of all, it's so great that you're concerned about this! Of course it's going to be a little awkward to talk about, but it's super important to make sure you're fully communicating with your partner, especially in terms of consenting to different things in bed. It's probably a good idea to have this conversation outside of the bedroom, too. You can bring up the subject with something like, "Hey, when I asked if we could try that thing the other night I noticed you didn't seem very excited to try it. Are you really okay with it, because I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with."
Also, there are some things that you can do while trying new things in bed to make sure your partner is comfortable the whole time. Using the color system is a great way to communicate with your partner when you might not want to get into a lengthy conversation during sex.
During sex, simply ask your partner how they're doing, or what color they're at.
RED- STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
This means your partner is uncomfortable with what is happening. Stop what you're doing and ask them if they're okay, and ask them what you can do to get back to green if they still want to continue having sex. Alternatives to this is your partner holding an object and dropping it when they get to red (useful when you're partner has something in their mouth or can't talk for some other reason), or using a safe word.
YELLOW- I'm not enjoying this very much, go back to green.
This means that your partner is not enjoying what is going on, however they probably aren't in pain. It is still very important to stop what you're doing.
GREEN- Everything's good.
This means that your partner is enjoying what is going on.
BLUE- I need a break.
You're partner may still be enjoying what's going on, however, they may need a breather, a bathroom break, a snack, anything. It's good to respect this so they can keep enjoying your sexy time together.
In addition to all of this, you should also see if your partner has anything they want to try in bed, because sexy time should be fun for everyone involved.